Problem teenage son...need advice?

So, without going into too many details, I need advice on how to deal with an unruly 13 (almost 14) year old boy. When he's good he's a joy to be around, but when he doesn't get what he wants or when things don't go his way he's completey disrespectful to everyone around him, including me. Today, for instance, he was supposed to be outside for the bus at 8:45, because he has counceling every Thursday. The bus driver calls me and tells me he's not out there, and she can't wait for him anymore. I call the house, and he's not even out of bed. He says things like ';I wish someone would just kill me'; or ';my life is miserable, I'm a bad person'; and I try not to let it get to me because I know, for the most part, that he's trying to get attention. I've tried talking to him as an adult, explaining to him how his actions affect those around him, he doesn't listen. I've tried yelling at him, he shuts down. I've tried ignoring him, he gets louder, to the point where I physically want to harm him, just to shut him up. I know, that's a horrible thing to say about my own son, but I also know that I am not the only one who has thought that. Please, anyone who has gone thru this, will you give me some advice? Or tell me that it'll get better? Is it hormones? I don't know what to do with him, or how to deal with him. I'm about ready to crack. I'm a single mother, but we live with a friend of mine who is like a mother to me, and has taken over the Grandmother role with him, and he treats her just as bad as he treats me.Problem teenage son...need advice?
Talk to the counselor you have in place.The services of a psychiatrist may be needed as may medication. There may being a local public mental health agency you can use.





Make sure someone is there to put him on the bus and provide him supervision when you can't if at all possible.





Talk to the school counselor to see if they have the same problem. They can put services in place for him there if they are having behavioral issue through a Federal 504 or IEP Plan.





Be firm and consistent with your home rules and discipline.





The Juvenile Court System can be accessed if needed by contacting the local police or court office and filing a report of a child in need of supervision. If a child gets too far out of control the Juvenile Courts can help sometimes by just having to go in front of a judge or other services which could include placement in a behavioral facility.





Seek counseling from some one for yourself so to maintain a clear perspective, from a local minister, rabbi, counseling agency, work resource what ever you are comfortable with.Problem teenage son...need advice?
Not to be old Fashion, but i believe a good butt whipping don't hurt well only for a moment.=-) But i also believe he is going through a phase but he will get over it eventually... Also as the mother you need to show him who runs the house because the way it sounds is that he didn't give a care. So just show him you don't tolerate that nonsenses!!!!
It is not hormones. When people use that as an excuse it is a crock. I have raised plenty of boys into young men. Not one hid or pouted in their rooms. I meant business and they knew it. He needs a father figure. Take him to church or something.


EDIT* who is Casey?????
You should read Dr. James Dobson's book ';The Strong Willed Child'; immediately. In the meantime, watch Super Nanny or Nanny 911, they have many good tips on how to set rules %26amp; enforce them without damaging your child's self-esteem.


Bad kids are usually the product of bad parenting skills
You said he was almost fourteen . Maybe for his birthday get him an instrument . Talk to him about which one he would like . My mom bought me a set of drums for my twelfth birthday . I love them . I can really release my anger into a simple drum beat .
Sorry, but it sounds like you need professional help. His talking about being a ';bad person'; etc isn't just ';attention'; getting behavior. Most all teens are troublesome at this age, but this is beyond that. Get help.
Am his age too, i say he just is evolving, he wants attention and care and stuff, to feel dominance, don't worry, he will stop doing that after a while, when he got enough of those stuff
Yes it's largely hormones. No don't ignore suicidal talk. Enroll him in sports. Vigorous activity will work ten times as well as the best therapist
I believe you could use some help from a family psychologist. Before someone really does something stupid...
Give him two two slaps to him backside. Di pickney nar wan fi sekkle... Headfeavaaaa.
He's already in counseling? Instead of talking to the counselor to get some ideas your asking us?


Good luck
He is a young teenage boy, most of them are like that. It will get better as he gets older.
find many different counselors and try to find one that works for him. good luck
I am not a mother but my little brother was the exact same way when he was that age. He is my step brother so he treated my mom and my brothers and sisters like crap because he thought we stole his father who I consider to be my real father because mine is crap. Anyways, the only thing my parents could do was send him to live with his grandparents in another state because he began to physically harm me and my sister and my mother. When they sent him there it only got worse. He is 21 now and sitting in prison. I know that is a scary thing to tell you but I am just letting you know that you need to send him to a better counselor or psychiatrist before it gets a lot worse. I wouldn't yell at him or hit him because that will only make it worse. You need to be calm with him and even though he fights you on it, don't give up. Hopefully he will see that it is hurting you and he will change. I really hope everything works out for you and it gets better.
aww... i really feel for you.. i know it must be hard being a single mother to begin with... and your feelings of anger and frustration are completely normal and expected from a parent of a teenager, especially the rebellious kind. You neednt feel guilty for it coz it doesnt mean you don love your son. U should understand that it's actions that you are angry at, which is obviously how anyone would react. Frankly, i'm not too sure how best to handle your son but i suggest u continue hav him see a counsellor. First of all, have you wondered why he dint want to get up this morning and go? could it be that he dislikes the counselling? Maybe you and your son could try going for counselling together, that way you could learn the coping skills as a parent.


Dont you worry, it's normal (that doesnt mean its easy or pleasant i know) for teenage boys to act this way. Hang in there...
Deep down he's probably pissed that dads not around (even if its sometimes its not the same) my daughter is 9 and hates that her biological dad is not always there step dads and boyfriends arent the same. I wish u the best and can only say that I have been told by the drs my daughter has seen that I can NOT let her manipulate me or anyone else and that there has to be consequnces and consistancy. which I know from my own battles that it is hard. We our kids hurt we want to fix them and quick but the truth of the matter is that there is no quick fix for us or them. It takes time, I spent 6 weeks (two times each week ) in counciling with my daughter and it did help. But its a huge commitment, and u have be all in, all the time:) Good Luck.
Have you tried Big Brothers? They are wonderful about finding a male mentor. Since he doesn't have a man to show him how to be respectful he hasn't learned it. Also, PAL police athletic league. Mom, this is probably killing you. You must keep trying or God knows how you will put up with it. Chances are good it will get worse unless something changes. Call, beg, scream do whatever you need to but get a strong guy role model for this kid.
There is something more than what you can see going on, And let me tell you, if my mom talked about me like this, then I would be a disrespctful child also.


Maybe you should take a step back and remember who you are talking about. This is your baby and you have raised him.


Maybe he has something going on and instead of you trying to figure it out, you chalk it up to him being disrespectful. Maybe he feels disrespected.


I think you need to talk to your son, not at him. I think you should listen to him instead of ignore him. And I dont think you should call him names.
Is he an only child? A lot of times this can be caused by being overshadowed by another sibling. He may feel inferior to the other child and feel as if you love the other more than you love him. If this isn't the case, then I believe this may just be a phase. Kids always try their best to be noticed by their parents. Maybe you work a lot and he isn't spending enough time with you or hasn't spent enough time throughout the course of his life. Maybe he doesn't have a lot of friends at school or gets picked on, but It will all get better once he makes a few friends. Puberty may be hitting him hard also. Girl troubles can be a big problem and girls can make boys say and do some stupid things, especially at a young age. Keep being firm with him and he will eventually back down, as long as you are not spoiling him or letting him do whatever he wants then this has nothing to do with you. Some kids just go through this, but it will get better. It may get worse before it gets better, but I PROMISE it will be better.
It does take time,


Infact it takes a lot of time...


Tell your son that you care, reassure him, if you ignore him and shout, he'd just get worse.


Talk to him about why he hates his life, and try to deal with his problems, ask him stuff he'd like to be asked about.


You know the kids nowadays, their never satisfied, and they love being 'cool', and well, harmones...





GOOD LUCK!
Any chance he'd go for joining an acting group, or sports or something to keep him busy? In my experience, having clear rules and consequences works as long as the adults are consistent. If you don't get to school on time - no wii/xbox/whatever. From what u said he sounds like hes spoiled %26amp; manipulative. Yelling never worked for us. Just tell him the rules %26amp; consequences. And when u start enforcing, he will blow up so be prepared to remind him that's not acceptable, quietly, %26amp; walk away till he calms down. Is he getting enough mental health counseling? Is his therapist a good one? Bad therapists are a waste of time. I would avoid getting the law involved, social services, etc. Their answer to problemed kids is to lock them up with other - much worse - kids, where they learn all kinds of bad behaviors %26amp; tricks of the trade. Trust me, it's not a path u want your son to take. Good luck.
well i can tell you now that ignoring him will make him louder because he has feelings and your not giving him the chance to express himself! and he is a TEENAGER have you not noticed that teens just want have fun and live? yelling at him won't help either. he probably treats everyone exactly the way you treat him so listen to him don't yell at him and seriously don't call crap like that!! kdjlgajwe





if you asked me your the one you should be worrying about!
Well you have a small problem in that what he needs to learn right now he must learn from a Man, for his brain is hardwired to ignore Women for the most part right now. Part of puberty is rejecting Mom and finding a Mate.





There are groups like parents without partners, Big Brothers, The Boy Scouts, and sometimes just Sports in general, but until he spends some time with a Mature Man, and not some older boy who never grew up himself, you will have these problems with a Teen-age Man. A book that might help you understand is, ';Iron John';, by Robert Bly.





This culture has no right of passage into adulthood except a drivers license and divorce... there are some groups that help young Men deal with Anger, Fear, Insecurity, Failure, and Self Image. He is out growing being your little Boy... regardless if this is how you treat him or not.





Without outside help, this problem will take 4 to 7 years to get better, and with the help of a Mentor for your Son the problem will start becoming bearable in as little as 21 days.








ME!





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He needs something. Find out what that is. Maybe he wants to be a writer, teacher, musician, underwater basket weaver. Who knows, but figure out what he wants to do to give his life some purpose and do everything you can to promote and encourage it.





Make sure your are attacking the right problem. Don't keep trying to mop the floor when you have a leaky pipe!
you need to be strick with him. reward and punish kind of thing. he does something bad take a way a privilege and if he reacts badly take away another thing. if he dares say something disrespectful send him to his room for an hour if he reuses grab him by the collar and get in his face and even show your teeth [like dogs--it shows that your not messing around, you mean business] deepen your voice and just tell him he is being a little asshole and needs to straighten out or he will go to his room.





it's hard to deal kids who won't listen and are disrespectful.





kudos for not beating him though lol
my son pulls that crap and he's 10....well not the getting up for the bus stuff but 1 little thing goes wrong and hes all....my life is horrible, today was the worst day ever...he even went so far as to ask his little brother to go get him a knife so he could kill himself...I'm in the same boat as you, some days I just want to strangle him. I walk away. I'll refuse to do anything for him the rest of the day, I'll ignore him. Most of the time he'll start to feel bad for what he did and come and apologize. I'm in the process of getting him a counselor....if he won't talk to me he can go talk to someone else.