Problem with teenage daughter! Advice needed!?

Have 2 daughters age 17 and 13. The youngest is giving me problems......she has recently got herself a 15 year old boyfriend. She seems to be obsessed with talking to him on MSN and texting him. She sees him at school as he lives quite a distance from us. They were caught by a teacher having a snog yesterday! Its too soon to say whether all this is going to effect her schoolwork (she is doing well at school) but I don't like her change in attitude and her total disrespect. I have never had any problems in the past with either of my girls and we have had a great realtionship. We have argued all night as we took her mobile off her because she had lied to us. She turned into something possessed! Starting shouting and throwing stuff! It was awful! Just like a scene from the taming teens programme! I didn't go throught anything like this with her sister. I just don't know where I am going wrong? I would welcome any advice! thanxProblem with teenage daughter! Advice needed!?
Oh gosh i was like that, now i can see from a parents point of veiw i can see how awful i was.


Okay from our point of veiw as a teenager, as far as we're concerned you were born 30 so we believe you don't understand the nature of a Teenager, and what emotions we're going through etc...


I wasnt quite to the extent of your younger daughter, but i certainly was obssessed with Msn and texting. I started to grow this awful temper and my mum kept complaining that my personality changed, as far as i was concerned she was wrong.





Oh she was so right... The best thing my mum did was to take them away from me, i really struggled at first, when i talked to my dad about it he said to me ';ahhh yes like the pangs you get when your trying to give up smoking'; and he was right. But i was still in a state of mind where i believed my mum was bullying me and was like threatening to call Childline to take her away from me... (awful isnt it?)





I began to realise what things i was missing... I practised my instruments more, took more care of my pets, was more close to my family rather than being an outsider i was joining them on evenings out and started to actually get a life. In that space of 4 months that mum took my stuff away she gave 'em back to me and now i am more fully aware of what stage i should stop etc...





Now i know my situation is slightly different to yours, but believe me, just restricting her from these things will do her the life of good. She will scream, may even get physical, and you may very well get upset about it all like my mum did, but when you notice those changes, you will realise what good you have done to your child.Problem with teenage daughter! Advice needed!?
I am 14, myself. I have five bros and sis'. My mom and I fight all the time, and from what I can tell, ur daughter is either looking for attention she's not getting at home, or she is REALLY into this guy. Either way, u should keep an eye on her, but don't let her know it.....and also.....(this part very important)........if the problem is that she needs support or help, mom CANNOT come to the rescue without being asked. This will ruin it all. Have the older sis talk to her, even if it means owing her a trip to the mall. Note: This WILL be a rough patch for the three of you, especially the 13 yr old. It is absolutely unavoidable.There will be times that you may want to kill her, but she needs her independence so play it safe.
this is your culture and you have to endure the results
Talk to her ';boyfriend'; and his parents. Explain the situation, and tell them that you do not want the 2 of them together. Take her cell away. Supervise her internet usage, or prohibit it all together. If she doesn't straighten out, take her to a behaviorist. Take her to the family doctor to see if there is anything medically wrong. Advise the school that these 2 are not to be together.You haven't gone wrong. This is a problem that she has. Do not blame yourself. It is not your fault. . 13 is too young to have a ';boyfriend'.If she isn't straightened out, sooner or later she will get herself in trouble with the law. Be firm and strict. Good luck.
kids do the opposit to what you want ,,invit him round the house tell her its ok ,,make it no big deal ,,,the sooner he seems to settle with ur way of life the sooner he will show his true colours and she will dump him ,but the more you try and keep her away the fast er she will run to him ,,she think hes the best thing since bread ,,,shes infatuated with him ,shes too young to know better,,,,at least if hes at urs you can see what they get up to ,,,dont want her pregnant ,,,ive got 3 girls all grown up now ,,be through all this ,,and i know its a pain if u dont like him but its better when they come round ,you get to learn about her and him ,,you will understand better how the think ,and body language will tell you if they are going to have sex ,try and get her dad to have a firm word with him ,,,,scare him a bit ,,good luck as this isnt easy,,,but she will need to know you are there for her ,,,you could try being more fun than he is ,,,theres a thought,,,,
She is only 13, she does not need a boyfriend. Put your foot down, do not let her talk to him on the computer. limit her computer time. call the boy and tell him he is not allowed to see your daughter. Had the same problem with my 14 year old. She soon realized he was not worth the effort and time it took to sneak around. most importantly be her mother not her friend. At 13 she has plenty friends. Good luck, hope some of this helps
Oh wow... lovely how puberty and boys hit every girl differently. It sounds like your second daughter is going to be a spitfire.





You and your spouse have to be on the same page for this. Figure out the guidelines and consquences and calmly present them and discuss them with your daughter. She needs to know what is acceptable and what is not. From there, she can't say she didn't know. Also listen to her. She might not make a lot of sense, but the communication has to go both ways.





In regards to her new guy, the worst thing you can do is look like you are ';standing in her way.'; If possible, I would suggest you invite the boy over for dinner, try to get to know him, etc. That way she sees that you are trying to be understanding, too.
Hang in there. Kids will be testing us until their into their early 20's or so as long as their under our roofs. The best thing is tough love. be strick, hold your ground, enforce a punishment that makes them think about what they did. I always told my kids, as long as they were in my house and needed our support it was our rules. After we set a punishment we always told them we did this not to hurt you but because we love you. Now that their in their mid 20's they really know what we did was right and we really did love them. Being strick never hurt anybody. Good Luck.
They are at that age trying to become independant, but you are still the one who makes the rules. It is hard but kudos to you for standing your ground.If she thinks she can get away with it she will. Do not argue back as that is the way to get your attention and waring you down to get her way. I learned that the hard way.
shes 17 right?


find her a husband. get her married before you lose her!
you arent going wrong, you are her mother and its good you showed her actions have consequences by taking her phone. even tho you didnt go through this with her sister (your first born) you have to stand your ground with her. she wont like it, in fact she will hate it but hey- what are mommies for? the important thing is to be a mother not a best friend figure. tell her you love her and are proud of her grades- make sure to tell her what she is doing right not necesarrily all that she is doing wrong but stay firm. dont worry about the boy- its a normal thing but communication is a huge key and you as a mother have to keep that communication and trust between you two
Try inviting the boy around, find out what he's like, he might be a great kid.they may become comfortable to be around your family, its hard not to allienate your kids somtimes,
This is typical behaviour sadly can only say give it time and you we soon see this just fizzle out
Taking privileges away will not solve your problem with your daughter's love relationship. Have you met this boyfriend of hers? May be you should invite him over for dinner and get to know him better. I have a 14 yr old and she has a boyfriend. They both rotate each other's house for dinner and outing on wkends, hang out one wkday afternoon a wk. As for aim, I do ask her to keep it under certain amount of time after she doe sher hmwk. Furthermore, have a heart to heart chat with your daughter, It may surprise you what she may reveal. It doesn't hurt to try. Been there, done that, keeps our relationship strong.


Good Luck!
i was a horrible teenager bt i cn assure u its nothin ur doin.some teens esp girls turn evil overnite.cud it b pmt as i suffered really bad+my personality totally changed.its a hard age what with boys school etc.
I can remember turning 13 and it was more than 20 years ago!!! I woke up and thought wow, i'm a teenager now, no one can tell me what to do anymore, how wrong i was. She's experiencing teenage love and experimenting a little. I'd back off, let her text away,let her feel free, keep an eye on her from a distance then hopefully there will be less temper tantrums and as she develops further through her teenage years, she will know that she can come to you for advice and support. Keep it happy, let her trust you, don't snoop, bite your tongue and sit back and be proud of your daughter for doing well at school. Don't worry about what's not happening, as you may turn it into something more as she will rebel. Get her some credit for her phone, tell her you trust her, love her and to enjoy herself, but keep safe. (she might just surprise you)
Y ou need to put her in her place, you are the parent here. Shouting and throwing things should not be allowed, when she does it again punish her. Take away her tv, computer, cell phone, house calls or whatever, for a period of time. ground her, make sure she knows that you do not approve of that kind of behavior and she will be punished. About her boyfriend limit the time they share.
just remember she probably won't be with him for very long...and when she gets another boyfriend she will totally get why you were like that! but yes, she's just being a normal 13 yr old, im sure your 17 yr old just hid it better! good luck
I am a 20 year old girl,i have been in a relationship for the past 6 years,you could say all of my high school career and now my university as well.When it started i didnt expect it to turn into what it is today,a lot say we are as good as married.i have relocated %26amp; live with him leaving behind my whole family,who i now see on occassional weekends and during the break at university.Although i am treated good and all is well with the relationship i wish i could have met him only now or later in life,i feel i got too serious at a too much of a young age and did not get to enjoy life as a teen in school.my advice to you is too speak to her about this guy,he may end up being the man she wants to marry,but there is a lot of time for that,she should enjoy her life without commitments while she can.if this guy is not the one she could be left with serious regrets.i know i have a lot of 'what ifs' still lingering in my mind,but those are questions i cant answer,as i am too committed now and she wouldnt want to be like that.Dont fight with her talk to her im sure it will do only good. Much luck!!!
Sounds like a normal teenager to me.
Sounds like she has a lot to live up to (her big sister) and no 2 children are ever the same, give her a bit of space, she sounds like she is feeling like a trapped animal and is kicking out. Try and remember how frustrated you felt at her age and give her some support.
Well good news is you know what she wants... i would tell her if she doesnt straighten up on her own your going to have to do it by taking away something that means the most to her... her computer and cell phone... it would do her some good anyways.. she needs to know that shes just as much of a person with out this guy attached her hip... If i were you i would warn her that your not scared to do that if she cant control herself... tell her that you believe shes at the age where you shouldnt have to control her still but you will if you have to... in a nicer way though :)
She is going thru puberty. Do your best to be part of her world or you'll loose her. She is just taking control of her life and determining what she is. Right now you can help guide her to make the right choices but you can't make the choices for her. IF she starts drinking and having sex do you want it behind your back or would you want to be there for your daughter so she has someone to talk to?


The boy is probly a bad influence but most boys are. It's good he lives far away. She is generation IM. Try to find balance.


Will you really love her no matter how she turns out?
hi i don't really see that your having major problems this is normal for a girl off thirteen to act sorry but its called growing up ,i know you said you didn't have this with your oldest daughter but no two children are the same its hard i know but let me tell you it doesn't last for ever i hope its just a fays that she going through and that you as a mother have done nothing wrong .hope things get better good luck.............................
She's 13 and thinks she knows it all. If this punk is her first love then it expalins it all. Her world revolves around him. Get his parents involved. 13 and 15 isn't a great match. Is he in high school already? Are they having sex? She will hopefully outgrow this when she matures a little more. 13 year olds are nothing more than overgrown toddlers. They can barely do anything for themselves and cry when they don't get their way. I wish you the best. I teach kids this age. Middleschoolers are all screwed up...............hormones.
well im a 15 year old male and im certain this will affect her school work taking her phone is one of the best things u could have done cause that worked very well with my parent on my older sister, but theres not much else to do since they are in the same school but the relationship should die if u cut of there communication to each other outside of school.
she is a teenager and the more you bug her, the more she will reject your wishes. Invite the boy over. Invite him to the movies with the family. Put the ball in your court instead of in hers. It helps to just get to know the boyfriend. It might not be so bad. At least when they break up, you can be there for her. This will not be her only relationship in life. She's just getting started, mom.
she is at her rebelious stage in life. you have to set boundaries and stick to them. you should talk to her about safe sex and how relationships can hurt. let her know you care about her and that you want her to succeed in school. you need to also understand that dating is a huge part of ';fitting in'; with her peers. allow her to see the guy but slowly. as she gains more of your trust give her more slack. give her a big hug and let her know you love her and you only want what's best for her.





i hope this helps, good luck
She wants to grow up too fast. She's competing with the 17 year old. Responsibility starts when they're young. She needs to take a look at her future and I'm not sure you're the one to get her to consider it. Like all teens, she is incapable of projecting the consequences of her actions. She has been throwing fits all along, you didn't notice it until now. The pattern is set for her to get her way by reacting like a two year old.


She wants the freedom to choose her destiny. You know she is making bad choices. How can she see that? With her attitude it's nearly impossible.


The older daughter and yourself may talk together in a group. Ask her where she sees herself in the next few years.


Thirteen, she's in 8th grade. Next year will be worse with the young men.


As kids grow they need more control of their lives, and the parents need to release control. A parent needs to set the limits and build the trust. There is a minimum the child must understand when they walk out the door.


My kids are teens. The oldest leads the others somewhat. If they get on track it makes it easier for the others to see responsible behavior, attitudes and life planning.


My kids always come home with stories about how the other kids messed up. They learn by example from their peers, good and bad things.


Teens do not adopt the moral standards of the parents in this liberal society. You may not agree with her choices. A parents job is to educated about the pit falls, then stand back, and let her choose.


Teach your daughter all you can before the age of 13, because after that the world will be her teacher. It's the truth about teens, good and bad. What about teaching her to find good teachers?
If you need to be a little more strict then do it and I dont mean beat her. Take away the things she enjoys for one the computer and the telephone you get my drift. You are the parent she will eventually understand you want nothing but the best for her its called tough love. Where is the other parent? I dont think your doing anything wrong parenting is hard we have to provide them love and necessities of life and the most difficult is our job to make them into civilized human beings. Just try taking away her priveliges [ I think I spelled that wrong]. I hope everything gets better.
My cousin did this when she was about this age and my aunt was going crazy. But the relationship was short lived, they usually are until a little older and the she was better. They think that boy is the only one in the world, but the figure it out eventually. Good Luck.