Problem with my girlfriend....advice from another girl?

She works her butt off going back and forth to school, and her mom is unable to do her normal stuff due to a hysterectomy so she doesnt have much money and stuff. I on the other hand I have money I can spend here and there and Christmas is approaching. Problem is, she feels so bad that I do things for her like change her oil and keep her car up and stuff. Then I do little things like buy her a cute pair of pink socks with my favorite team on them. She loves what team I go for lol. Anyway how do i, or what do I say to her to make her not feel so bad that she is very deserving of gifts that she works her butt off for? She tells me that what I do for her, like oil changes and stuff are too much anyway and I should count that as a gift. I have never had a gf I have cared so much for and one during christmas, theyve ALL been in the summer so I want to buy her nice gifts for christmas cuz ive never been able to. Just help me cuz she feels like she doesnt deserve it and she does! Thanks!Problem with my girlfriend....advice from another girl?
jsut sit her down and tell her how much she means to you and why you are doing it.





if it continues...try changing it around and doing another thing taht girls LOVE and she might appreciate more.





buy her roses or make her something. something sweet. from the heart that took effort andshell know what she means to you.





the more it is from the heart and genuine the better!Problem with my girlfriend....advice from another girl?
i can tell the general public what the hysterectomy means to all this. more then likely your girlfriend is not only doing everything she normally does but cleaning the house, doing the shopping, and taking care of mom who probley had problems pulling up her pants at one point. girlfriends mom is/or was in horrible pain. now the christmas thing....just get her some perfume or something she wont normally buy. good luck to you all. she and you seem very nice.
She is your friend. you continue to help her financially as well as morrally. She is deserving as she needs financial help.She will not ask from her mouth as her self respect and her status with you will not permit her to ask for any help from you who is her friend. I THEREFORE ADVISE YOU TO HELP HER FINANCIALLY AS WELL AS MORALLY AS THE XMAS IS APPROACHING NEXT MONTH. Good Luck.
Don't go too extravagant because she feels awkward about it already. If you can't convince her that she's worthy, that is not on you. Do you really like a girl with such a low self esteem?





Why does her mother's hysterectomy have anything to do with this?
I exactly like your gf too. My bf always pays for everything when we go out on dates and he insists on paying for anything I wish to have. And I do feel very guilty for having him always pay. I always tell him that he doesn't have to buy me anything because I really don't expect anything from him. My bf has asked me what I want for christmas and I told him that he doesn't have to give me anything, but he wants to buy me something.





Anyway, you have a great gf because she's one of those rare gfs that aren't materialistic and expect the guy to take care of her financially. Tell her that she does deserve some gifts and that you want to buy gifts for the one you love.
She is a keeper, she is not in a relationship to live off a man and she is voicing this to you very clearly, so you better feel proud to be with her! Tell her that in a relationship when one goes through hard times the other helps and tell her later you might need her help... tell her that you are not doing this to buy her love or pay for your relationship you just want her to know that if she needs help you are there for her and you know that if it were the other way around she would be willing and wanting to help you out... also tell her if she is this uncomfortable with you helping her then you won't help, even if you are dying to help, unless she asks you... and tell her that you know that someway somehow she'll end up returning the favor... If you are older and have been dating for many years and you feel like she is going to be the one,... tell her that in marriage it is a very equal relationship and they help each other out in any and everyway when the other needs the help...
Aww your a sweet dude.....thats so nice of u too bad there wasnt more guys like you...anywhoooo.....you should buy her something really special like jewelry...perfume..etc... ....she totally appreciates wut u do like oil changes etc..... so u just need to tell her that its no problem u like doing wutever u can to help its no trouble at all and that u like/love her alot so thats why u do it and u want her to have these gifts so it could be something special and meaningful ..that would have like sentimental value unlike an oil change lol ....tell her she does deserve it and that shes totally awesome cuz shes going to school and working :)
How about giving her a gift you made, card, song, or a poem. So there is no financial value attached to it, and it comes from the heart. It is something she can return without losing face or being embarrassed for being financially ... hmmmm ';practical.';





Go for walks in the park and and stuff instead of going to movies or spending tons of money on Starbucks, for example.
Talk to her... and walk her through how much you care.


Tell her you care for her, and that you would buy her flowers is she likes luxury gifts instead of pratical gifts and if that makes her feel better.. And do it. Buy her flowers, no matter her answer.


Once she trusts you, and/or doesn't feel disminished by you supporting her, she might accept your help.


Go for the long run... think how you would think if YOU were a GIRL in her position. She surely wants to prove she is independent.


And if she really declines your help, gifts and attention, just respect her will, and offer your attention only.
some people just aren't good at taking what they feel is 'charity' from other people


if you havent been together very long, she probably still feels akward about taking things from you


start with small gifts and work your way up...don't drop anything huge on her because it'll probably make her uncomfortable
I think before you give her her present, explain to her your honest feelings of how you want her to have this because it would mean alot to YOU. If she knows that she HAS to accept this for you and not so much for her, then it'll be easier.





Good luck! to you and her and her mom!
I think right now she is going through some personal things of her own. Many of us are addicted to rationalizations, feelings of not succeeding, drama, conflict, complex doing things the hard way, feeling undeserving, avoidance, denial, denial of denial, withdrawal, self sabotage. These are addictions of thought and emotion. They are habits...





She has to have self realization that she deserves whatever it is you want to give her and accept it. The problem is... it takes 30 days to make a habit and 30 days to break one... which by research would show for as long as she has developed this habit, it may take just as long to break it...





I'd have a talk with her and let her know how you feel about this bc clearly it bothers you... ask her why she feels so undeserving and see where it goes from there!!
Your gal sounds a bit like me, I was always uncomfortable with people buying me stuff and doing stuff for me. I think maybe meet her in the middle, buy her one nice gift, not obviously expensive, but obviously something you've taken great care in choosing. It's the thought that counts, not the price tag. Get her something, doesn't have to be big, that shows you ';get'; her and know what she likes. But don't go overboard cos it might make her uncomfortable.


By the way, the reason she feels bad about you doing the car stuff for her is that she probably feels like you think she's using you, or maybe that you think she's obliged, that she owes you. Maybe next time you do that for her, get her to help, make it a fun thing you are doing together.


She's a lucky girl that she has someone who cares about her like you seem to!


Good luck!
let her know what she would probably do the same if you needed it. and tell her that you're doing it because you love her and care for her.