Problem with Mom-Need Advice?

I'm the second oldest of five children and the only girl. My mom has ALWAYS favored my little brother. He is graduating HS and she is throwing this huge party. While she did actually show up at my graduation, she did not give me a card or even take me out for a meal. I paid for my own cap and gown, etc. Although she did pack my stuff that day and tell me to move out-which she did to all my brothers except the youngest. My brother does not work (which we had to do at 15 and even paid for our own lunch) she buys him everything and he gets free range of the cars (even though he wrecked and had his license supsended) including their benz. They are also paying for his college, which was never even offered to us. This is just the short verison. In conclusion she said I need to help her cook and borrow my things for the his party. I do not want to because I think this is another slap in my and my other brothers face. I want to let her know that the sun does not out of his butt. Am I unfair?Problem with Mom-Need Advice?
Attend, but you owe her no assistance. Tell your mom you are terribly sorry, but you are looking forward to just attending as a guest. She will be furious, may even uninvite you. At which point you send your brother a nice card and tell him you are very sorry you couldn't attend.





I'm not a big fan of ';pop psychology'; but one thing rings true and that is YOU get to choose how people treat you. And if they don't meet your standards you walk away with your diginity. She can try and make you into a doormat, but ultimately you choose whether to take the bait or not. And you'll have to consider the cost/benefit.





At some point you are going to have to accept the absolute unfairness of the situation and cut your losses with your family unless you see real reason that there will be change.





Good LuckProblem with Mom-Need Advice?
No, tell her that s**t is over, just like that.
attend. refuse to work. that is not fair. give your brother a card and a ';happy graduation'; but he needs to learn to live on his own. it's not his fault rather ur mom's... show her that you demand respect too. tell her that he never helped with your graduation so you shouldnt need to help with his... however, be nice about it... ur lil bro is her baby... the last kid she'll have at home - which is why she is acting this way. good luck!
the ';baby'; of the family always gets their way. It's the law
I am so sorry you feel this way and if it really is the way you say I can understand why. Sometimes with more than one child in the family moms feel they have to push for their kids to stand on their own two feet. Although sometimes this plan of action you describe seems a little harsh it's because mom feels confident in her children being mature and responsible enough to make it on their own. Now, when it comes to the last one it's a little tougher to let go of that one. Some call it the empty nest syndrome. She's really not doing him any favors and I'm sure he's basking in all this generosity and financial help but sooner or later he has to face the hard facts. It is disheartening because you obviously feel less significant than him. But I assure you your mother loves all of her children and does the best she can to show it whether it's coddling or tough love. Hang in there. I've been where you are and it does get better with time. Don't alienate your siblings or mother over this. Your little brother still has to get where you obviously are already.
You're not unfair or unreasonable, but realistically, a lot of older siblings go through the same things with the youngest child. Although it is very common, you still have a right to be upset - but with your mom, not your brother. Tell her how you are feeling, but by not helping her with his party, you are punishing him for your mother's favoritism.
i would just ask if she does so much for the youngest cause she and dad will need someone to take care of them when they no longer can take care of them selves? my parents did us all different. they helped with my wedding and went but didnt have anything to do with my bros. sometimes they think some dont need them and forget what it feels like to be leaving some out... my father never calls me but calls on my bros all the time. when ask he says they wont call him and he knows im taking care of and if needed i would call him...
Parents always favor their last or latest kid. This has always been true. I wouldn't worry about it and just live my life. As for helping with the party, it's your choice. You don't have to do anything that you don't want to...
You owe her nothing. Just say NO and tell her why. You are not your brothers keeper. He may enjoy all the glory he gets from his mum but when he has to be out on his own, he will fail.
maybe your brother did EXTRA well in school? or maybe he did so poorly that his graduation is a surprise to everyone? either way jealousy is not the answer. maybe your parents financial situation is different now. maybe they couldn't afford a party for you or your other brothers. you didn't HAVE to help with the party, but, why not? you cant choose your family. love them unconditionally, money and material possessions shouldn't determine your love for your mom or brother.
No. Tell your mother how you feel because from what you're saying, SHE is the unfair one! First I want to congradulate you for moving out immidiantly after graduation and paying for your own schooling! That's a big responsability. Sometimes, there's a deeper issue at hand here though. Your mother may think that you and your brothers (aside from the youngest) are capable of better things. She may want you guys to be independant because she feels you can be! Your brother may just be lazy and (no offence) maybe a little slow as well. The only sure way to know is to talk about it to with your mother!
I dont think that you are being unfair at all. Frankly, I am surprised that you havent blown up and lost your temper before this even. To me, this would be the last straw. I definately think that you need to tell your mother exactly how you feel and point out to her all the things that you have written about above. She needs to realize how this makes you feel and if I were you I wouldnt cook or lend any of your things to this party until you get an explanation from your mother. I know some will think this is the wrong approach, but WOW I cant imagine a mother being so WRONG!
No, you are not being unfair. If you want to do something for your brother from you, fine. But you really need to tell your mother how and why you feel the way you do. It may not necessarily bring a change about in her behavior but at least you will have gotten it off your chest.
No, you don't NEED to do anything. Don't let her borrow a thing for this party. Think of it this way. He'll be 40, dropped out of college, and warming her couch with all his cigarette butts burned into the cushions. When she starts to whine about how irresponsible he is, because she's paying his child support for all 10 kids he made from one night stands, she's supporting his drug habits, etc. you can tell her she only has herself to blame, and if she'd boot his hind end out things would change. At that time you can tell her how wrong it is to spoil your kids(in this case the youngest). Or you could print this off and show her everyone's responses.
No you're not and I hope the rest of your siblings support you too. You all should tell her how you feel. She's spoiling him because he's her baby, but she's going overboard.

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