Adult Child Problem involves Birthday & Christmas....Advice badly needed.?

I have a big problem. I married my second wife about 14 years ago. At that time, I had a son in his 20s, his birthday is Christmas day. He lives on his own.





Last year was a horror.....we had a confrontation with him about our Legal Wills and how my remarriage would effect his inheritance. It turned very ugly, we were offended and he was infuriated.





During the year, he broke ties with him. We rarely hear from him. He won't go for professional help with us to address this horrible situation. He's mad.





Christmas is his birthday. In the past, before I knew the extent of his resentments, I always gave a very sizeable Birthday/Christmas gift.





My wife feels that we shouldn't be so generous this year because of 'the Hell' he put us through. I agree, what we went through was horrible, a side I wish I never saw in him.....but it's his birthday.





Bring some sense to this problem, I can't think straight.Adult Child Problem involves Birthday %26amp; Christmas....Advice badly needed.?
i think your wife is wrong.


i think that you need to sit down and talk with your son 1 on 1.


ask him to set everything aside with you for a moment.





maybe send him a nice card and some money or something he would like.





just remember that we're not here forever..... if something happened to you, you wouldn't want his last memory of you to be a bad one. please, sit down with him. take it from me.





i got into a disagreement with my father months ago. i didn't talk to him until his birthday came along. i moved 3,000 miles away from him without even saying goodbye. i wish he would have sat down with me.Adult Child Problem involves Birthday %26amp; Christmas....Advice badly needed.?
I don't think your marriage should have affected his inheritance. He is your blood, your wife is not.


But your wife is wrong about his gift should be smaller, that is wrong and she is acting like a child saying that.
Well I understand why you are so confused.





But at the same time your son is now in his 20's. I am the same age and NEVER expect anything large from my parents and we get on really really well. I think a token gift as a peace offering would be fine, maybe with a not included explaining how much he hurt you and how you want to sort this out possibly with a mediator. The ball is then in his court. To be honest, in his 20's and living alone he should have had a more adult attitude to the whole situation. At the same time he is your son and so deserves something